Concern for the education of children is growing, especially in a constantly changing world: but if we have clear fundamental principles, we will know how to make the best decisions so that our children achieve a successful life
On April 11th, parents, mothers, and friends of Avantis, Pineda, and Xaloc had the pleasure of enjoying a visit from Ricardo Gay Férriz, a family counselor since 1980, director of the Proliena Foundation (Freedom of Education in Aragón), who has directed 4 schools in Spain and the United Kingdom, as well as the European Association Single-Sex Education EASSE, in London.
As he himself says, his talks are always graphic, very visual, so that the fundamental message remains in the attendees' photographic memory. We could see how he involved everyone present, who engaged in the proposed dynamics.
But what was Ricardo's message in this talk, what formula should we as parents retain for the education of our children? When a child is born, both the father and mother have big plans for their offspring: «he/she will be like this or that, will have this or that, will achieve and do such and such a thing or job...» However, these dreams, these desires, belong to the parents; but life belongs to each child, and in their freedom, that individual to whom we have given life, «will be, will have, and will do» what they consider, what they can, or what they set out to do. So, does it make sense for us to dream something for our children?
After the Post-it activity, which answered that question, almost all parents answered that they dreamed of their children being happy. But how to make this possible? The maxim that Ricardo proposed to us was that «the end depends on the beginning», and therefore, the result —happiness— is the fruit of constant, daily work, focusing on it and aiming high. Aiming high is projecting the lives of our children, but towards what? Towards a successful life, a life that fulfills them, that makes them happy, making others happy as well. That's why we talked about everyone needing to have a full heart. Depending on how we fill it, we will be closer or further away from that achieved life. If we fill our hearts with murky waters, we won't be able to see others; however, a heart filled with clear water allows us to see through ourselves and look at others.
In this line, Ricardo Gay reminded us that each child is a gem. There was, is, and will be no one like them. They are a unique being, called to be loved and to love, therefore, called to fulfill a mission, which if fulfilled will lead to that achieved life we spoke of before.
To achieve this, he proposed that, from a very young age, parents should establish firm «educational posts» that mark the direction: towards Truth, Beauty, and Goodness. This can only be achieved in a home environment where our children know they are loved, and where everyone is called to love, materializing it in responsibilities at home, like chores, with the principle of «never do what your child can do with your help or on their own». And why? Because, as Saint John Paul II said, Love goes hand in hand with Responsibility, which is exercised through Freedom.
Parents must educate their children to learn to live in Freedom and make good use of it. Ricardo Gay illustrated this idea with the image of a cathedral: parents are the scaffolding and the children are the cathedral. For the vaults to stand, once the scaffolding is removed, it is only possible if the cornerstone —the key stone of each vault— is in its place and well settled. In education, this cornerstone is called «freedom to»: to voluntarily fulfill the commitments that lead us to a fulfilling life.
As Ricardo repeated, «the end depends on the beginning»: and faced with the electrical storm of adolescence, the family must seek refuge in a Faraday cage. Adolescence marks the beginning of a period in which our children begin to make use of their freedom, and the use they make of it depends on how we have helped them in the construction of the cathedral. The lightning bolts of adolescence are lurking. However, we have our refuge: what are the pillars of this cage? Affection: «cariño» in spanish:
Coherence (Coherencia): build together, in complete unity, the «humus» of children's dreams in the home and family life. That's why the parents' example is crucial.
Help (Ayuda): we talked about being «suns» in childhood —the cathedral's scaffolding—, «moon» in adolescence —scaffolding that is gradually dismantled—, and the «Polar Star» in youth —cathedral sustained only by the cornerstones—.
Responsibility (Responsabilidad): encourage tasks of service to others at home.
Initiative (Iniciativa): allow them to have initiative, make their own decisions, seek their dreams, not their parents'.
Support (AcompaÑamiento): parents should be present when needed, letting their children always know they are loved and supported, without diminishing their responsibility or initiative.
Prayer (Oración): so that these dreams lead them to a successful life.
Thank you, Ricardo, for all your teachings and for allowing us to be part of them. Thank you for showing us the importance of affection and for reminding us that each child is unique.